I have three older brothers, and when I say older I mean way older. The closest one in age is 9 years away from me. The farthest in age is 18 years. When he was about to graduate high school, I was born! So i did not really get to grow up with my brothers. Two of my three brothers were already out of the house by the time I could actually form memories haha. So I basically grew up[Read more]
You should be here, here in my arms. Crying, sneezing, hiccuping. Smelling of that all too familiar newborn smell. Wrapped in a white, pink, and blue blanket; nestled in my chest. You should be here, searching for me; knowing my smell. Instead, I’m here searching for you. Everywhere. Anywhere. Just to get a glimpse of you; to feel your presence. In the morning glow, the afternoon sunshine, the evening breeze. I search for you everywhere; in every thing. And I[Read more]
As a stay at home mama to 2 energetic little girls, sometimes my internal battle is: should I just let the kids binge watch Netflix all day? Or should we actually do something productive to stimulate their little minds? I can proudly say that we save those Netflix binge days for sick days or “mental health” recharge days for mama. Haha Sometimes being at home with young kids all day, who need that sensory stimulation, can be exhausting. And sometimes[Read more]
It’s been almost 5 months since we lost our baby boy at 15 weeks pregnant. When I say these past 5 months have been the hardest months of my life, I’m in no way exaggerating. I have never felt this type of intense grief in my life. My husband and I have had 2 previous pregnancy losses. I grieved over our babies during that time. But this time has been completely different. This time I was further along. This[Read more]
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11 This scripture gets me every time. It speaks to the depths of my soul because it is so true. We are not meant for this world. Our heart knows it, our mind knows it, even our body knows it. As humans, we are always longing for something[Read more]
My right arm hurts. It’s where they gave me the Rhogham shot because I have O- blood. The nurse said “This is for future pregnancies.” I felt like telling her “I know, I’ve had this shot countless times already. Why even bother this time? I’m not planning on having any future pregnancies.” My tongue is swollen and sore. Because I bit it while I was under anesthesia and they shoved a breathing tube down my throat to keep me[Read more]
My oldest daughter turned 4 a couple of months ago. FOUR! I can’t believe it! It has been an amazing 4 years and I honestly don’t know how we ever lived without her. As I reflect on her past 4 years of life, I also can’t help but think about what those 4 years mean for me. They mean that I have been at home for 4 years. That is absolutely mind blowing to me. I never thought that I[Read more]
When we moved into our home, I knew the one thing that I needed to create in our space was an entryway. I love functionality in a home, and an entryway serves that specific purpose. We have lived in our small home for 4 years now and I just now feel that our entryway is serving its functional purpose. It took me a while to figure it out! Haha but now when we walk into our home, everything doesn’t[Read more]
With the New Year just around the corner, it has me reflecting on this past year. I’ve never been big on setting a New Year’s resolution. For 2017, I really just wanted to focus on a specific word that I wanted to stick with me throughout the year. The word I chose to focus on was joy. I had so much to be joyful about in 2017 and I didn’t want to forget that. For 2018, I want to try[Read more]
As I sit here, a month after my rainbow baby turned 1, I can’t help but think of the emotional struggle I have had the past few months. As her birthday approached, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. And I felt guilty because I felt sad. And to be honest, I was also a bit confused. But then I realized the root of my sadness. On the night before her birthday, after I nursed her and put her[Read more]